The New Bible – Numbers 12 & 13


The Israelites are on the move, but God’s not going to give them a break, and keeps watching them relentlessly.

  1. Now Moses had married a Cushite, and for some reason it pissed Aaron and Miriam off. They complained that God had never spoken to them – which was a big mistake.

2. So God got angry and cursed Miriam with leprosy.

3. Now this made Moses angry, so he asked God to cure her, which he surprisingly did, but only after she spent a week outside the camp. You should know by now that there’s always a catch.

4. After all of the arguing, the Israelites sent some people off to explore the land of Canaan. When they got back, they reported to Moses.

5. “The place is great,” they said, “Just what we were looking for! That God of yours knows what he’s doing! But we must warn you, there are people already living there – the Amalekites, Hittites, Jebusites, Amorites and Canaanites (obviously).”

6. “Marvelous, let’s go in there and kill them all!” Moses exclaimed.

7. The scouts replied, “But they all have fortified towns, and are much stronger than us. What will we do?”

8. The scouts were told to shut up and get lost, because what do they know? Moses and the others were confident that they were going to be able to take the land, because God was with them, and he never failed… right?

9. But the scouts spread rumors around the camp, telling the Israelites that giants lived there, trying to scare them out of going.

10. “We saw the Nephilim, and we were like grasshoppers to them, and the land devours anyone who goes there” they said.

Looks like Moses is going to be pissed off again, and God’ll probably kill even more people!

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

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