The New Bible – Numbers 14


The people are not happy at Moses for trying to take them to the Holy Land, which it turns out is full of super-strong kingdoms who for some reason don’t want to pack up and move somewhere else, so they rebel!

  1. The Israelites went out that night and complained, showing how ridiculously ungrateful they were by wishing that they had died in Egypt.

2. Moses and Aaron fell down before the people – perhaps they were having a nervous breakdown. The scouts tried to reassure the Israelites, but they weren’t having it.

3. “Let’s stone them to death!” One of the Israelites shouted. But before they could do anything, God appeared before them.

4. “How many times do I have to plague these people before they learn to shut up and do as I say?” God said, “Moses, these people are really pissing me off, and you’d better do something about it.”

5. “Maybe it’s because this is the first time they’ve actually seen you,” Moses suggested. “That might have something to do with it.”

6. Moses convinced God to spare the Israelites, which surprisingly, he did. “But not a single one of you here will live to see the Holy Land, so you’d better get ready to start wandering the desert aimlessly for God knows how long” God said to them.

7. So the Israelites were cursed by God to stay in the desert for forty years, until the last of them had died off. Makes me wonder if they were better off being killed instead.

8. The people tried to repent and ask for forgiveness, but this was before our good ol’ friend Jesus, so it was really a waste of their time.

9. Moses sent out some men to explore the land. It had to be new people, because the old ones were killed by God for spreading false rumors and reports about the land.

10. It was probably a stupid idea to send more people out, because now the Amalekites and the Canaanites attacked them. I can’t really blame them, considering the Israelites were about to go and kill them all anyway.

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

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A couple of questions about Transgenders

ID-100369789These questions have been floating around for a while now, but to be honest I haven’t seen them answered, and they are a bit of a discussion-starter.

If a transgender individual commits a crime and is sent to prison, what prison would they go to? Likewise, if a transgender individual competes in a gendered sporting event, what gender would they compete with?

For example, we know that on average, men have stronger upper bodies and greater bone density. So if a biological male transitioned into a female (regardless of operation) would they be allowed to compete with women, who are at a biological disadvantage in this case? Australia’s women’s football team was beaten by a team made up of 15 year old boys 7-0, so the disadvantage women would face up against a biological male could well be a considerable one.

Would it be discrimination to force people who identify as female to compete against men? Would it be discrimination to prevent them from competing at all?

Similar story with prisons – would it be transphobic to force people who identify as male to be in women’s prisons, or put them in with male convicts, despite them being biologically female?

Does the question of whether they have undergone surgery come into the account, or should it all be based on whatever people ‘identify as’?

The New Bible – Numbers 12 & 13


The Israelites are on the move, but God’s not going to give them a break, and keeps watching them relentlessly.

  1. Now Moses had married a Cushite, and for some reason it pissed Aaron and Miriam off. They complained that God had never spoken to them – which was a big mistake.

2. So God got angry and cursed Miriam with leprosy.

3. Now this made Moses angry, so he asked God to cure her, which he surprisingly did, but only after she spent a week outside the camp. You should know by now that there’s always a catch.

4. After all of the arguing, the Israelites sent some people off to explore the land of Canaan. When they got back, they reported to Moses.

5. “The place is great,” they said, “Just what we were looking for! That God of yours knows what he’s doing! But we must warn you, there are people already living there – the Amalekites, Hittites, Jebusites, Amorites and Canaanites (obviously).”

6. “Marvelous, let’s go in there and kill them all!” Moses exclaimed.

7. The scouts replied, “But they all have fortified towns, and are much stronger than us. What will we do?”

8. The scouts were told to shut up and get lost, because what do they know? Moses and the others were confident that they were going to be able to take the land, because God was with them, and he never failed… right?

9. But the scouts spread rumors around the camp, telling the Israelites that giants lived there, trying to scare them out of going.

10. “We saw the Nephilim, and we were like grasshoppers to them, and the land devours anyone who goes there” they said.

Looks like Moses is going to be pissed off again, and God’ll probably kill even more people!

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

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My thoughts on Trump v Clinton

Finally the election is drawing to a close, and it couldn’t have happened with worse candidates. I’m not going to go too much into detail about the specific flaws and issues surrounding these candidates, but I will say that I think the only reason that either of them have gotten this far is because the argument can be made that the other is worse.

So we have a narcissistic, unhinged and unpredictable billionaire, verses the personification of corruption herself, with various scandals under her belt. I think that if Trump ran against Sanders he would lose in a landslide, and likewise if Hillary ran against someone more likable and less controversial she wouldn’t stand much of a chance.

It’s almost certain that if Trump were to run against anyone else he would lose, and the only reason that he has made it this far is that: 1. people really hate Hillary, and 2. people are sick of the establishment and the PC culture that runs rampant in society, and they view him as the solution to that, so they are willing to overlook his flaws and controversial nature because they view him as the lesser of two evils.

Likewise I know a lot of progressives who vote for Hillary because they don’t want a Trump presidency, and voting for either Johnson or Stein isn’t really going to have much of an effect.

I really think it would be interesting to see what would happen if Trump won, mainly because he’s a bit of a wildcard. We don’t really know what Trump will do, or if he’ll follow through with any of the stuff that he’s said, but we have more than enough information to know what Hillary will do – and it’s not good.

The New Bible – A Giant Leap Forward


It takes God and Moses AGES to lay out all of their laws and rules, and detail how exactly to burn animals as offerings, so I’ll just skip ahead a way because it doesn’t make for an interesting read if all they’re doing is making rules and building furniture. Numbers 10 seems to be about where they set off again.

  1. After building furniture and laying down the law, the Israelites chased the cloud of God out of the desert at Sinai, and they were off on their way. But not before spending several chapters counting everybody.

2. The Israelites, clearly not learning from their encounters with God before, decided that a good idea would be to complain about the lack of food. So they did.

3. And God, being the all loving, merciful God he was, burned with rage. How DARE they be mortal and need food whilst wandering through desert after desert!

4. So he threw fire at them and tried to kill them. Luckily the Israelites apologized, and just like that all was well again. But God was still pissed off, so he went to discuss it over a cup of tea with Moses.

5. “Seriously God, what have I done to deserve this?” Moses said, “They’re complaining to me too, and still you do not help us. They regret leaving Egypt, and all of this whining and complaining is getting annoying.”

6. “If this is how you are going to treat me, just kill me now” Moses said. “Don’t push your luck,” God replied, “But as a matter of fact I do have a solution: First, bring 70 of the elders to this tent, and I will share the burden so the Israelites can complain to all of you, instead of just you, Moses.”

7. The Lord continued, “I shall give your people meat, but as usual it won’t be without a catch. For daring to complain, I shall give them nothing but meat, until they are sick of the sight of it.”

8. So Moses went and gathered the Elders, and told the Israelites what the Lord had said. As the Lord blessed them, the elders started prophesying – but maybe it was just epilepsy or something, we don’t know.

9. So the Lord drove quail from the sea the next day, until the Israelites were almost drowning in the stuff. They went out and gathered it, but for some reason God was angry at them AGAIN, and chose to communicate this anger by striking them with a plague.

10. So they had to bury the people that died, too. Will any of the Israelites make it to the Holy land? Not if God keeps up like this.

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

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