The New Bible – Exodus 17

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Moses and his people are still in the desert, and although God solved their hunger problem, they still have no water.

  1. The Israelites started to run low on water, and they did the only thing they knew how – complain.

2. “Did you bring us out here to do the Pharaoh’s work for him and kill us?” They whined.

3. “You already accused me of that last time. Come up with a new complaint. But don’t worry, I’ll go talk to God.” Moses replied.

4. So Moses complained to God, asking him what to do.

5. “Do not worry, I shall make a miracle happen and give you water. Just do as I say” God replied.

6. “You could just make it rain. It would save me having to do anything” Moses said. “But then how would I be able to show off how great I am?” God asked.

7. God told Moses to tap a nearby rock with his staff, and at once water started flowing from it. A simple little magic trick on God’s part, but the Israelites were suitably impressed.

8. But a happy ending is far from sight, and quite frankly damn near impossible if God is around. The Amalekites attacked the Israelites, and Moses sent forth Joshua and some of his men to fight them.

9. To give them all credit though, at least they weren’t the ones doing the attacking this time, but for all we know God could have made the Amalekites attack them.

10. God said he would help Moses win, but as usual there was a catch. Moses had to stand up on a hill all day with his staff in his hand and his arms held up.

11. Why? Who knows. I guess God works in mysterious ways. What I find more insane is how that single battle lasted all day.

12. Moses ended up winning, which is just a well or God would need to find some new chosen people.

13. The Lord said that because the Amalekites attacked them, he would be at war with them forever. What he means by that, of course, is that he will make other people be at war with them for him.

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

Image courtesy of vectorolie at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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