The New Bible – Exodus 16

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All that really happened in chapter 15 was that the Israelites sung God a really, really long song about how great he was. Moses also threw some wood into a pond and that somehow purified the water. Science 101!

  1. Moses led the Israelites through some various deserts, only just managing to keep them all alive.

2. The Israelites complained to Moses that they had run out of food, so Moses went and complained to God.

3. “I will make bread fall from the sky, inbetween my murderous rampages, that is,” God said, “Every day you must go out and gather it, and make sure you gather twice as much before the Sabbath.”

4. And of course, like most of God’s promises, there was a catch. None of the Israelites were allowed to keep any leftovers, because as we learnt earlier, God hates those.

5. God’s promises are rarely straightforward, so much so that bread didn’t actually rain from the sky – flour did. ‘Thin flakes like frost’ covered the ground when the Israelites woke up, and the Israelites had to gather it and turn it into bread themselves.

6. So the Israelites did as Moses commanded, but many of them disobeyed him and kept the leftovers. After all the stuff they’d seen God do, they STILL disobeyed him! Or maybe God was just controlling them like he did to the Pharaoh.

7. This pissed God off, but instead of killing anybody, he just made the bread go rotten and moldy.

8. The Israelites reached the seventh day without anybody getting killed by God – now that’s a real miracle if you ask me!

9. But they disobeyed God again and went to search for bread, even when Moses had told them there would be none.

10. “Moses, control these desert savages of yours!” God commanded, “It’s not my fault! They just have a problem with obeying authority” Moses replied.

11. “Well, it’ll be the death of them sooner or later” God grumbled.

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

Image courtesy of vectorolie at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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