‘Protagonists’ in the Bible – Joseph


Joseph managed to make quite a life for himself after being sold into slavery by his brothers for being an annoying little prick. During his life he managed to go from prisoner to the overseer of Egypt, and he got up to quite a lot of interesting things.

Joseph was the last child born to Jacob, and Jacob made it very clear to everybody that Joseph was his favorite. This was bad news for Joseph, because all of his brothers were jealous of him – and he had a lot of brothers.

Somehow, Joseph managed to make things even worse. He claimed that he had a couple of dreams, and in those dreams he was shown to rule over all of his brothers. Joseph was pretty stupid not to see how this would anger his brothers even more, and, after first plotting to kill him, they decided to sell him into slavery instead, because they were just so moral.

In an example of Biblical love, they sold Joseph to some passing travelers, and he eventually found himself in Egypt. Whilst God was busy putting people to death for all kinds of silly reasons, and Judah was being tricked by his family, Joseph became a servant for the captain of the guard. Talk about luck!

God apparently blessed Joseph, and made him succeed in everything he did, but stayed strangely quiet whilst Joseph was thrown in prison for a crime he did not commit. But Joseph kept his spirits high, and soon became the overseer of the prisons.

It was in those prisons that Joseph met the Pharaoh’s Cupbearer and baker, who were in the prison for some reason. They both had dreams one night, and t was then that Joseph found his calling – interpreting dreams. I.E listening to people’s ramblings and then making up a meaning for them.

He told the Cupbearer that he would be freed, and the baker that he would be brutally executed – you don’t even need to tell people what they want to hear to do this job! Who knows what made this random prisoner trustworthy or truthful, but people seemed to believe him.

Joseph’s predictions came true, and Joseph made the Cupbearer promise to tell the Pharaoh about him, but of course he forgot, didn’t he?

The Pharaoh had a couple of rather disturbing dreams two years later, and somehow, nobody in Egypt could ‘interpret’ them for him. I don’t know why anybody couldn’t just make up stories and guess what the dreams meant, but oh well.

It was then Joseph let the Pharaoh know about God’s plan: to give all of Egypt seven years of plentiful food, and then seven years of famine. God didn’t really have a reason to do it, he must’ve just been bored.

Despite having no experience and only doing one thing for the Pharaoh, Joseph was placed in charge of all of Egypt, and took food from the farmers to put in storehouses, which he later sold back to them.

After the seven years the famine struck, and soon enough the Egyptians had no money left, so Joseph started accepting payments in livestock, then in land, and then in slaves. Finally, when Joseph and the Pharaoh owned absolutely everything in the land, they gave away the food for free – but all the farmers had to give some of their food to the Pharaoh for the rest of their lives.

In a movie-style evil scheme, Joseph had taken over all of Egypt. Whilst celebrating, some of his brothers showed up to collect some food. Joseph seized this opportunity to get back at them – kind of.

Joseph messed with them, hiding silver in their sacks, and even one of his cups, then accused them of being spies. Somehow, to ‘prove’ that they weren’t spies, Joseph’s brothers were kept in prison, while one of them went and fetched the rest of his siblings.

His brothers talked together and were sure that they were being punished for selling Joseph all those years ago, and they were unaware that Joseph could understand them – he was using an interpreter, because in those years he had somehow completely forgotten how to speak the language that he was raised with.

Eventually the game was up, and Joseph revealed himself to his brothers. He forgave them, and made all of them move down to Egypt. He gave them land – but if I know the Bible, it probably had belonged to somebody else first.

Joseph spent the rest of his days living in Egypt, and, like his father, picked one of his sons as his favorite.

So, what did we learn about Joseph? He’s not a murderer, or a psychopath, which is a surprise. He did, however, partake in and execute a plan which allowed him to take over all of Egypt. He would make a great supervillain!

Image Courtesy of Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


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