God’s ‘unconditional’ love

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As explained by many preachers, God’s love is absolute and unconditional. But according to the Bible, God’s a little unhinged, and plenty of things can make him hate your guts. Here’s just a few of them:

God hates you if:

  • You’re not circumcised

As part of a covenant with God, all members of Abraham’s family must be circumcised. How does this affect you? Well, according to the Bible, Abraham’s descendants were supposed to be as numerous as the stars in Heaven, or the dust on the earth. That’s a lot of descendants, and you may well be one of them.

What’s the punishment? Well, Moses’ son wasn’t circumcised, and God went off to kill him.

  • You’re deformed

God hates people with deformities and disabilities, and he makes it quite clear. If somebody’s testicles are damaged, not even their children of the tenth generation are allowed in church. Oh, yeah, God also hates the left-handed.

  • You work on the sabbath

It’s one of the Ten Commandments, so obviously God doesn’t like it, but it really stands out because God himself said to Moses to kill anybody who breaks this commandment. Kind of harsh, really.

  • You are circumcised

Yep, you think you’re obeying the will of God and then BAM! a massive contradiction. In Galatians, God says to Paul that anybody who has been circumcised is bound to follow the law, and that means you have been alienated from Christ, making you fall from grace even more.

  • You cover or uncover your head

Depending on what your gender is, God has rules for whether you’re supposed to cover your head during prayer and worship or not (1 Corinthians 11.) God hates men if they cover their heads, and, like Islam, God hates women if their heads are uncovered.

  • You wear gold, or clothes made from multiple materials

You need to live a modest life – save the riches for the church leaders, of course!

  • You consult psychics

Don’t you DARE speak to false prophets, God really hates that!

  • You eat weird animals

Leviticus 11:28-30 states that you can’t eat a number of little animals, including snails. Sorry France.

  • You play football

God hates pigs so much that he orders people to never touch them, so no football for you!

And these are just a few of the things that can earn you an eternity in Hell. God’s a pretty hard to please character, isn’t he?

An even bigger list of things that can send you to Hell, including talking to strange people and hanging from trees, can be found here.

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11 thoughts on “God’s ‘unconditional’ love

  1. Neither the Old or New Testament ever suggests that God’s love is unconditional. It is unearned. It is freely offered to anyone. But there are requirements.

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      • The following quote came from the link you provided:

        “This is God’s unconditional love. God has paid the price for all men to be redeemed, even for those who reject God’s free gift of eternal life; but God will not force them to receive it. Salvation must be received by way of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. There can be no salvation apart from faith in Jesus Christ (John 14:6). Jesus is the One Way to Heaven. Therefore, no man can blame God for ending up in Hell. No one goes to Hell except those who CHOOSE to go there.”

        God’s unconditional love does not mean there are no consequences for breaking God’s laws. Any preacher who suggests that God doesn’t punish sin is not preaching what’s clearly (as you have pointed out) in the Bible.

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  2. Well, your first mistake is trying to understand God by reading the Bible. You should let Christians interpret that for you! At least, that’s what my mother-in-law always says. In fact, her actual words were: “You have to read it the right way.”

    But you are mistaken about the circumcision contradiction. While it is an awful crazy thing for God to have ever required, Christians are NOT supposed to be circumcised (and for those of us in America, that is a part of the Bible most Christians simply ignore). Once you accept Christ as your savior, you are no longer bound to the old law.

    This meant circumcision stopped among Jews who became Christians; but more importantly– it meant Gentiles didn’t have to do it. And the Galatians were ruining Paul’s sales strategy of convincing Gentiles to join his cult! After all, most non-Jewish men were against cutting their genitals, end of the world or not. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

    (Forgive me, I recently wrote something called “An Outlaw Appendage: How a Christian Nation Embraced Circumcision” and apparently the word “circumcision” will be a trigger for me for the next 6 months or so…. I’m sure you understand.)

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  3. Funny… until you start to think about it. What’s even scarier is that atheists know the Bible better than the devout… which is why they turn to atheism, presumably! The Bible could be a great tool for de-conversion as much as it was for forced conversion… gotta love the irony of our times.

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