The righteous man who was chosen by God to save the world’s animals was a fairly interesting character. As God practiced the unnecessary complexity of his murder plans, Noah set about building an impossibly huge ship with the help of only a few sons.
Noah and his family were somehow the only good people in a world filled with violence and corruption, so God decided to save him. Now, instead of just clicking his fingers and making everybody who was evil just drop down dead, he decided to flood the entire planet – because why not?
But first he had to make sure Noah survived. Now, fallout shelters hadn’t been invented yet, so he couldn’t make Noah build a giant waterproof house or something. God finally decided to make Noah build a giant boat, and gave him only a handful of measurements to work with.
Noah, who must’ve been an experienced carpenter with an infinite wood storage somewhere, set about building a giant ship with the help of only his three sons. Somehow they managed to build a ship of giant proportions with no machinery or armies of workers, despite the fact that later on, other nations needed huge groups of people to build their warships.
And of course, nobody else in the entire world owned a boat.
Noah then collected every single animal species on the planet. He also collected every single plant species on the planet. And of course, he must have gathered enough food to last them all a year.
So God flooded the planet somehow, and Moses played zookeeper for 18 million species. And let’s not forget he was about 600 years old when all of this happened.
Noah then made several animal species go extinct by sacrificing them to God, and God repaid him by inventing the rainbow.
But even Noah, the righteous man, got into some trouble. One day, when celebrating, he got a bit drunk and ran around his garden, cursing anybody who looked at him.
So what do we know about Noah? He was a very good carpenter with a drinking problem.
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