The New Bible – Exodus 6


God is STILL trying to help Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt, and although he is omnipotent and could teleport the Israelites to the Holy land or something equally extreme, he decides not to.

  1. The Lord said top Moses: “It is because of my hand that the Pharaoh will let your people go, it is because of my hand and all of the miracles I will show him”

2. “Uh, God,” Moses said, “I think you’re repeating yourself again.”

3. “I am the Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham…and Isaac…and Jacob…and Joseph…” God continued, clearly paying no attention to Moses.

4. “Tell the Israelites that I will free them from the Pharaoh, and be their God, and give them the Holy land…” God said, “hey, where are you going?”

5. “I got bored listening” Moses replied, walking off. “Just go do as I said” God ordered.

6. Moses reported all of the things God told him to the Israelites, but they did not listen. Perhaps because they had already heard all of this before and it hadn’t helped them.

7. Moses went to God again, “What do I do now?” He asked.

8. “I don’t know… try going and complaining to the Pharaoh again” God advised, clearly forgetting what happened last time.

9. “But God, the Pharaoh won’t listen to me – I’m not a good public speaker” Moses complained.

10. “Jesus Christ you are so annoying!” God exclaimed, “Just take Aaron with you then, he’ll do the talking, I’ll do the miracles, and you can just stand there and do nothing, happy?”

11. Moses was finally pleased, but before he went to the Pharaoh, God had a few more things to tell him. The Israelites will all be dead before God finally gets around to doing anything!

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

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