What we learn about God by reading Genesis

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The New Bible series is approaching the end of Genesis, and to commemorate it here is a list of the things we learn about God by reading the first book in the Bible.

  • He has trouble making up his mind

God promises Abraham several times that he will make sure that he has many descendants, but he just can’t decide exactly how many. First he decides that Abraham’s descendants will be as numerous as the stars in Heaven, and then he changes his mind and says that they will be as numerous as the dust on the earth, and then he finally settles with more than can be counted.

  • He is forgetful

After having a wrestling match with Jacob and cheating, God renames him ‘Israel’, but then forgets and keeps calling him Jacob, only to change his name to Israel a second time later. But he STILL goes on to continue calling him Jacob!

  • He likes sacrifices

Many of the altars that were made to God were used to burn animal meat as an offering. Why God likes this is currently unknown. He even tried human sacrifice once – He may have said that making Abraham nearly kill Isaac was just a test, but the whole thing seems pretty suspicious if you ask me!

  • He loves killing people

After everybody on the planet becomes corrupt God decides to kill everything, except for a handful of people and animals. And rather than using a faster, more logical method, God covers the planet with water for over a year. Some time later, he wipes out Sodom and Gomorrah with a meteor shower, and proceeds to turn Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt.

  • He has a hard time keeping promises

God promises the Holy Land to a lot of people, and seemingly never gives it to them. Sure, they all live in the land of Caanan, but he goes on and on to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob that he will give them all this land.

  • He comes up with people’s names, occupations and life stories for them

God must have been bored around about the time when Hagar was bearing one of Abraham’s children, because he ordered that the child’s name would be Ishmael, he’d be a hunter, and everyone would hate him. He also decides that Jacob and Esau will be the leaders of great, opposing nations.

  • He’s a freeloader

A few days before God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, he came to Abraham’s place for lunch. He showed up, ate his food, and judged his life.

  • He pretends to not be omniscient

Maybe he really isn’t omniscient, but there are times in the Bible when God asks unnecessary questions that he should already have known the answer to. For instance, he loses Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, asks where Sarah is in a meeting with Abraham, and fails to see the problem with putting a forbidden tree in a sacred garden with innocent people in it.

And…

  • He’s a stalker

God’s always following people around and watching them. it’s kind of weird if you think about it.

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3 thoughts on “What we learn about God by reading Genesis

  1. Why the New Bible is a farce:
    1. Using different metaphors to express the same idea is what literate, thoughtful writers do.
    The atheist obviously has no use for thought or literacy or metaphor.
    The atheist being an ignorant provincial is not God’s fault.

    2. That ancient literature survived for millennia from Antiquity to modern times just a little garbled is easy to understand.
    Again, the atheist expresses gross, inexcusable ignorance and blames it on God.

    3. The atheist expresses a profound problem with basic literacy by claiming that God loves sacrifices.
    God states many times in the Bible that since He is Creator, sacrifices mean nothing to him.
    If the atheist had a mind capable of rational thought the idea of what God is trying to convey to man would be obvious.

    4. God does not love killing people.
    People love killing people.
    Again the provincial, illiterate, irrational atheist blames God for a people problem.

    5. The Bible is a collection of literature written over centuries that tells of a God who keeps his promises.
    The atheist blames his own inability to read and understand world class literature on God.

    6. The story of Ismael is a story of profound insight into the human condition and the importance of marriage between one man and one woman.
    Ishmael became the father of the Arabs, who became Muslims, who became Israel’s deadly enemy even to this day.
    Anyone with a brain understands these kinds of stories as wonderful literature which shines light upon ancient thought and cultures.

    7. That God does not behave according to the wishes of the atheist does not mean He is lazy.
    It just means that the atheist is completely, willfully ignorant and judgmental.

    8. Who is the atheist to determine what is necessary or unnecessary for others, especially God?
    Again, because God doesn’t act the way the atheist thinks he should act, God must be deficient.
    Such thinking is psychotic since the atheist’s personal opinion is by no means a universal standard.

    9. Yes, and every parent is a stalker for taking care of their children.

    If this post is really a representation of atheist thought, than atheist thought is profoundly narrow to the point of blindness.

    Every single claim made by the atheist is either a logical fallacy, a falsehood or a personal opinion posing as the Gospel truth.

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    • There’s a novel thing, you might have heard of it. It’s called comedy.
      The New Bible is SUPPOSED to be an over-the-top exaggeration of the Bible.
      Although some of my points have some merit – Why did God rename Jacob to Israel twice and STILL call him Jacob?

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  2. It seems that SOM again wants to pretend that his version of the bible is the only right one, and has yet to show how he determines what is literal and what is metaphor in his bible and explain why other Christians are sure that SOM is wrong.

    The bible is a farce, with its contradictions, claims of events that never happened and the silly things that the blog author has pointed out. Indeed, why is it that God can’t remember that he renamed someone? One doesn’t see characters in world class literature not being able to remember names, especially omnipotent and omniscient ones.

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