The New Bible series is approaching the end of Genesis, and to commemorate it here is a list of the things we learn about God by reading the first book in the Bible.
- He has trouble making up his mind
God promises Abraham several times that he will make sure that he has many descendants, but he just can’t decide exactly how many. First he decides that Abraham’s descendants will be as numerous as the stars in Heaven, and then he changes his mind and says that they will be as numerous as the dust on the earth, and then he finally settles with more than can be counted.
- He is forgetful
After having a wrestling match with Jacob and cheating, God renames him ‘Israel’, but then forgets and keeps calling him Jacob, only to change his name to Israel a second time later. But he STILL goes on to continue calling him Jacob!
- He likes sacrifices
Many of the altars that were made to God were used to burn animal meat as an offering. Why God likes this is currently unknown. He even tried human sacrifice once – He may have said that making Abraham nearly kill Isaac was just a test, but the whole thing seems pretty suspicious if you ask me!
- He loves killing people
After everybody on the planet becomes corrupt God decides to kill everything, except for a handful of people and animals. And rather than using a faster, more logical method, God covers the planet with water for over a year. Some time later, he wipes out Sodom and Gomorrah with a meteor shower, and proceeds to turn Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt.
- He has a hard time keeping promises
God promises the Holy Land to a lot of people, and seemingly never gives it to them. Sure, they all live in the land of Caanan, but he goes on and on to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob that he will give them all this land.
- He comes up with people’s names, occupations and life stories for them
God must have been bored around about the time when Hagar was bearing one of Abraham’s children, because he ordered that the child’s name would be Ishmael, he’d be a hunter, and everyone would hate him. He also decides that Jacob and Esau will be the leaders of great, opposing nations.
- He’s a freeloader
A few days before God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, he came to Abraham’s place for lunch. He showed up, ate his food, and judged his life.
- He pretends to not be omniscient
Maybe he really isn’t omniscient, but there are times in the Bible when God asks unnecessary questions that he should already have known the answer to. For instance, he loses Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, asks where Sarah is in a meeting with Abraham, and fails to see the problem with putting a forbidden tree in a sacred garden with innocent people in it.
- He’s a stalker
God’s always following people around and watching them. it’s kind of weird if you think about it.