The New Bible – Genesis 46 & 47

ID-100316079Jacob – er, I mean Israel, goes to Egypt and has another dream, where he has a nice chat with God.

  1. So Israel set out to Egypt, just as Joseph had commanded, and he made a sacrifice to the Lord when he reached Beersheba.

2. And the Lord came to Israel in a dream and said, “Jacob, I’m here to stalk you again!”

3. And Jacob replied, “Wait, I thought you renamed me Israel?”

4. “Did I? I really don’t think I ever did,” God said, “Anyway, I am the God of your father, and I tell you not to be afraid of going to Egypt. I will make you a great kingdom there, and Joseph himself will see you die.”

5. “Well, judging by the success of your other promises I won’t hold my breath” Jacob replied.

6. Then Jacob left Beersheba and headed down to Egypt, bringing with him a hell of a lot of people with all sorts of crazy names.

7. When Jacob met Joseph he was ready to die, for he had seen that Joseph was not dead for himself.


Chapter 47


  1. The Pharaoh gave Jacob and his sons the best land in Egypt, and even put some of them in charge of his own flocks.

2. The famine was still severe, and the lands of Egypt and Canaan suffered. The people of the land gave everything they had in exchange for grain, and soon Joseph owned almost all of the money in the entire land.

3. He took it to the pharaoh and they celebrated their ingenious money-making scam.

4. When all of the money in the land of Egypt was gone, the people came to the palace and complained. “We have no money to pay for grain, are you going to sit here and watch us die?”

5. “Sounds like a good idea” Joseph replied, before having an idea.

6. “I know,” he said, “Instead of giving you grain for free, we will now accept payments in livestock!”

7. The year went well, but the following the people were all out of livestock. So, still eager for more power, Joseph bought all of the land in Egypt, and every single person as a slave.

8. Finally, after everything the people had was taken from them, Joseph gave them all seeds and set them to work on the land he had bought. “Don’t forget to give a fifth of all of your produce to the pharaoh” he reminded them.

9. So the people celebrated being slaves while Joseph and the pharaoh celebrated that their scheme had worked. Instead of a protest, the people had given in, and Joseph and the pharaoh now owned every single thing in Egypt.

10. Jacob grew old, but it’ll be a few chapters before he actually dies, and he made Joseph swear to bury him in Canaan with his fathers.

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