The New Bible – Genesis 40

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The Pharaoh throws everyone he doesn’t like into prison, and Joseph starts his career as some sort of dream-interpreter.

  1. Some time after Joseph was promoted and made the overseer of all of the prisoners, the baker and cupbearer of the pharaoh ‘offended’ their master. If the pharaoh was anything like God, just asking a question would be worthy of prison.

2. The pharaoh was angry, and put both of them in the prison, where Joseph was. And the captain of the guard put Joseph in charge of them.

3. Soon enough both men had dreams, and, being the superstitious lot they were, thought that they were a message from God or something.

4. They went to Joseph with their dreams, “We both had dreams, but there is no-one to interpret them” they said.

5. “I don’t know why you just can’t interpret them yourselves, but I might as well give it a shot, seeing as my dream interpreting got me into this mess in the first place” Joseph said.

6. So the cupbearer told Joseph his dream,

7.“In my dream I saw a vine in front of me with three branches on it. As soon as it budded, it blossomed, and its clusters ripened into grapes.

8. The pharaoh’s cup was in my hand, and I took the grapes, squeezed them into the pharaoh’s cup and put the cup in his hand.”

9. And Joseph replied, “In three days the pharaoh will restore you to your position, and you will do the same job as you did before. Just remember to mention me and get me out of here, ’cause God isn’t helping.”

10. When the baker saw that Joseph had given a favorable interpretation – I.E he told the cupbearer exactly what he wanted to hear, he approached Joseph with his own dream.

11. “On my head were three baskets of bread. In the top basket were all kinds of baked goods for the pharaoh, but the birds were eating them out of the basket on my head” he said.

12. Joseph thought for a moment, before casually replying, “In three days the pharaoh will impale you on a pole, and the birds will eat at your flesh.”

13. “Damn” the baker said. “Yea, yea, I know, sucks to be you” Joseph replied.

14. Luckily we’re still in Genesis, so fortune telling and sorcery were not forbidden, and Joseph wasn’t stoned to death. Anyway, his interpretations came true.

15. The cupbearer was restored to his position, and the baker was murdered.

16. But the cupbearer somehow forgot about Joseph, and we all know that isn’t going to turn out good for him!

 

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

Image courtesy of vectorolie at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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