A (fairly) long chapter about blessings and trickery; there is a plot twist about Isaac’s wife, and it turns out that the Lord is only the god of Isaac, not anybody else.
- Isaac was now old, and he could not see anymore, he called Esau, his ‘older’ son.
2. “I am old, and do not know the day of my death, and I have a task for you,” Isaac said, “Get your bow and go out into the wilderness, bring me some food and I will give you my blessing.”
3. And Rebekah, who turns out to be the villain of the story, overhear this. She went to Jacob and said,
4. “Jacob, go out to the flock and bring me two goats, so I can give them to Isaac and you will receive his blessing”
5. And Jacob replied, “But Esau looks like Bigfoot, where as I look more like a bald rat. Isaac will know that I am tricking him, and he will put a curse on me.”
6. Rebekah replied, “Let the curse fall on me, just do as I say.”
7. Jacob went and got two goats, and Rebekah prepared them for Isaac.
8. She took some goatskins and handed them to Jacob, who used them to cover his arms.
9. Jacob went to his father and gave it to him, saying, “Father, it is I, Esau, your firstborn, now hurry up and give me your blessing.”
10. And Isaac replied, “How did you get it so fast?”
11. “The Lord your God gave me success, and you can’t question him because he ‘works in mysterious ways'” Jacob replied.
12. Isaac then said, “Come near so that I can touch you, to see if you are my half-Bigfoot son Esau.”
13. The goatskins confused Isaac, for his son had the voice of Jacob but the hands of Esau. He shrugged and blessed him anyway, saying:
14.“Ah, the smell of my son
is like the smell of a field
that the Lord has blessed.
15. May God give you heaven’s dew
and earth’s richness—
an abundance of grain and new wine.
16. May nations serve you
and peoples bow down to you.
Be lord over your brothers,
17. And may the sons of your mother bow down to you.
May those who curse you be cursed
and those who bless you be blessed.”
18. After Isaac had blessed him, Jacob left, and Esau returned from hunting,
19. “Father, it is I, Esau, I have brought you food, now give me my blessing” he said.
20. “Wait a minute,” Isaac said, “If you’re Esau, then who the hell was that other guy!?”
21. “Jacob came and took your blessing, and indeed he shall be blessed!” Isaac exclaimed.
22. And Esau said, “Can’t you bless me as well? Or ‘un-bless’ Jacob? First he takes my birthright, and now my blessing!”
23. Isaac told him that he was to live by the sword and serve Jacob, and Esau began plotting his revenge.
24. Rebekah, once again, overheard him, and she said to Jacob, “Esau is plotting to kill you to avenge himself, flee to the land of Harran, and I shall call you back when Esua ‘forgets’ what happened.
25. And then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I hate these Hittites, if Jacob marries one of them, my life will not be worth living.”
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