The New Bible – Genesis 11

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This is my 100th post!

Anyway, I will skip the genealogy in chapter 10 and go straight to chapter 11.

1. Everyone across the planet could speak one language.

2. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.

3 And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter.

4. And they said, “Let us build a giant tower that reaches into space, and we shall make a name for ourselves, just in case we are scattered across the earth somehow.”

5. And the Lord ‘came down’ to have a look at what they were doing.

6. And the Lord said “If I let these people build this giant tower, nothing will stop them from doing anything that they put their minds to.

7. Regardless of the fact that translators will soon exist, I must go down there and sort things out.”

8. So the Lord picked the humans up and threw them screaming across the face of the earth.

9. Therefor the name of the place is Babel for some reason, because it is where the Lord confused everybody’s language and scattered them across the face of the earth.

10. Now for a lot of children; Shem was a hundred years old, and begat Arphaxad two years after the flood.

11. And Shem lived after he begat Arphaxad five hundred years, and begat random, nameless sons and daughters.

12. And Arphaxad lived five and thirty years, and begat Salah:

13. And Arphaxad lived after he begat Salah four hundred and three years, and begat more random, nameless sons and daughters.

14. And Salah lived thirty years, and begat Eber:

15. And Salah lived after he begat Eber four hundred and three years, and begat even more random, nameless sons and daughters.

16. And Eber lived four and thirty years, and begat Peleg:

17. And Eber lived after he begat Peleg four hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters.

18. And Peleg lived thirty years, and begat Reu:

19. And Peleg lived after he begat Reu two hundred and nine years, and begat sons and daughters.

20 And Reu lived two and thirty years, and begat Serug:

21 And then I got bored keeping count of all the sons and daughters.

22. And Serug lived thirty years, and begat Nahor:

23. And Serug lived after he begat Nahor two hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.

24. The people in the Bible sure have a Hell of a lot of children!

25 And Nahor lived after he begat Terah an hundred and nineteen years, and begat sons and daughters.

26. And Terah lived seventy years, and begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran.

27. Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begat Lot. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS IS THERE!?!?!?!

28. And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees.

29. And Abram and Nahor took them wives: the name of Abram’s wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor’s wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah, and the father of Iscah. 

30 But Sarai was barren; she had no child – well that makes a change.

31 And Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran his son’s son, and Sarai his daughter in law, his son Abram’s wife; and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldees, to go into the land of Canaan; and they came unto Haran, and dwelt there.

32. And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years: and Terah died in Haran. It’s a miracle that overpopulation wasn’t a problem in Biblical times. People being born all over the place and stubbornly refusing to die. No wonder God had to smite so many of them!

The New Bible homepage can be found here.

Image courtesy of vectorile at FreeDigitalPhotos.net – image edited by mclasper

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