Why Nobody Can Get Into Heaven


There are a few problems concerning how exactly you qualify for getting into Heaven. Jesus gives us a few steps on how to go to Heaven, let’s take a look at them.

Step 1

In Luke 10:25-28 we find this:

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

Step one is easy, but now we move on to step 2, which is a bit different.

Step 2

A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.

You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’”

“All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

So apparently not only must you follow the commandments that leave out rape, genocide and slavery, you must sell everything you have and follow Jesus. There are a few problems with this, firstly, many people can’t live without the latest smart phone, never mind anything else! And secondly, Jesus is dead. Even if he existed in the first place, what good is following a dead person?

Step 3

The third step is that you have to hate everyone. Jesus says in Luke 14:26 that:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” 

You must hate absolutely everything, which sounds really stupid. How can you honor your parents and hate them at the same time? How can you love your neighbor if you must hate them?

Step 4

John 6:53-54 gives us this:

Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.

It seems as though only a certain number of Christian denominations will get into Heaven – and that’s if they obey the other steps and Jesus means symbolically and not literally. But you can never be sure when it’s coming from that guy…

Step 5

In Matthew 18:2-3 we have Jesus saying that you must become like little children to get into Heaven.

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said:“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

We must all act like babies to qualify for Heaven. What with this and the eating flesh and drinking blood verse, Jesus is better suited for a mental asylum than a Church!

Step 6

This next one is really insane, Jesus says that you must obey all of the 613 crazy Old Testament laws of the Pharisees.

Matthew 5:20 “For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.”


Overall to get into Heaven you must sell everything, act like a child, follow 613 OT laws, love everyone, hate everyone, eat flesh, drink blood and believe in Jesus. Heaven must be pretty empty up there.

Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lastly, I’d like to give (yet another!) thanks to my followers – my blog just hit 50 followers a few hours ago, I am glad that my posts are being read!


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